No Answers
I know that some of you saw the ticker that I had posted on my blog. I want to thank you for your congratulations. I cannot begin to tell you how absolutely ecstatic we were. It took us almost 8 years to get pregnant the first time, so we started trying again when Emma was only about 9 months old. After almost 2 1/2 years we discovered we were expecting again. I had pretty much given up. I had even decided that I was not going to take the drugs in May and was probably only going to give it one more shot. We waited a few days to tell our family so I could take a few more pregnancy tests and let it soak in. Even then, it just didn't seem real.
I have gone from one of the highest highs to one of the lowest lows. I am beyond sad.....I am mad......I am hurt....I am confused....I am grieving. Starting last Thursday, I began to spot. I thought no big deal. That evening I started cramping and things have gone from bad to worse. I went and had an ultrasound Friday and they did some blood work. I had follow up blood work done this morning, but I already know what the answer is. I have lost the baby. I knew it Friday morning, but I was still so hopeful. I was scared. By yesterday, I was no longer scared, I just want it to be over. I will know for sure tomorrow when the results from the blood work come back in - but in my heart, I already know. I am trying to understand. I am trying to get some answers. But it is not my place to question God. I know that there is a reason and a purpose for everything, but I don't see what the reason or the purpose for this is. I may never understand. I know that God is an awesome God and He can do anything - so a small part of me is still praying for a tiny miracle. I can always hope.
To everyone that has been praying for us over the week-end. Thank you so very much. I truly believe that without your prayers, I would not have made it through the last 3 days. Please keep praying. I am in desperate need of them.
I still have some pics to post from our trip, but it may be a while before I get to them. Love you guys and thanks again!
10 comments:
Elaina you are in my prayers. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through right now. Yes, God is an awesome God and an awesome healer. He will give you exactly what you need.
You are strong, God made you that way! Please update when you can.
Valerie
Elaina - we are fervently praying for you, Stephen and Emma. We love you, and know that God is watching over all of you during this very difficult time.
Thinking of and praying for you, Elaina. God will be your very present help in this time of need- He always will. Love you, Brandie
Oh no. I'm so behind in my blog reading that I had no idea until I read this! I am so, so sorry. I know the feeling of loss, and it's a dark place. I'll be praying for you, my friend.
I am praying for you! Love You, Carla
I'm so sorry for the pain that you are experiencing =(. My heart is very heavy as I read this, and I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers this evening.
Elaina...just want you to know that I love you. I will call you tomorrow and check in again. You and your family are so loved and are being prayed for here at 303. We love you all. We'll talk soon.
Elaina,
My heart is broken for you right now, but I know that God will take care of you and your family and will provide healing and strength for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Just know that and know that I love you!
Elaina,
I'm a little behind, so I just read your news today. I am so sorry. You're in my prayers. Take care of yourself.
Wait...why haven't I been reading your blog? Bloglines has screwed up...I thought you just hadn't posted lately. I should have known better. Good thing I dropped by. My heart is breaking for you right now. I know how badly you guys want this and that you've just been patiently waiting. It's impossible to understand why things like this happen. I can't believe after all of this the results are still inconclusive. I'll be praying for you all night and will check back tomorrow for the results.
{HUGS}
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